I notice that all too often we can get caught up in the reality of this life and forget the realities of His life. The last day or so was one of those times for me.

Life began to move along, and one of the things you recognize at higher “speeds” is the rumbles, the revealing of things you could overlook at slower speeds, is dangerous at the higher speeds.

When I was in my teens, one time I decided to “borrow” someone’s bike. They had padlocked the front wheel to the fender. I undid the fender and it allowed the wheel to freely turn. What happened on the highway was a completely different story. The bike developed a difficult bounce and by the time I reached my destination my hands, arms and shoulders were on fire.

In my own life there is a lot to deal with, a lot that needs Him. In a perfect world, I would live on a mountaintop, come down once a month and “avoid traffic.” I worked hard to do that. Now I live in a city in an apartment with people I do not know. Who would have thought? It was fun for a season, but the idea of isolation is on my mind a lot. Why? Because I do not feel as though I “fit in.” I am not sure I ever did, but various things help you to “get by.” My “get by” factors have evaporated on so many levels.

Not all revelation is fun. It may be necessary, but it is not without pain. I am experiencing one of those “painful” times. I listened to a friend tell me that the stretching they were encountering was painful. I get it. Times of stretching reveal the “memories” that need to be overcome. These times reveal memories of failure, pain, limitations and more. The minor annoyances we incur may be the “checking of the system. “¹¹ No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.”

Last week, I told God, “I cannot take it anymore.” The apartment had been getting to me, the money had been escaping me, even getting a job seemed beyond my reach. “I am putting on the brakes” I said. I have done all I know how. I stopped. “Gave up” so to speak. I am not being stubborn, just trying to figure out the right place.

I know for many life feels as though it has stood still. It has not. I assure you all systems are being checked out. That which you deem to be a minor annoyance or aggravation has the hand of the Lord on it. For me, I am pulling “back.” Way back. Limiting everything but the things at hand. That means dealing with the house for the final time, the RV and boat, ending that whole phase of anchorship. There is another phase that follows that and I am not excited by that either, but it is another anchor being pulled up. I have applied for work, done the phone screens, but frankly there are some limiting factors I cannot overcome. They have to be God. This time will be pulled back. Way back! I have things that have been spoken that honestly I just need to evaluate.

I have been going through a “risk” thing. Part of my conversation with Him, was “God, put it before me.” So far I have not seen it. But if it involves risk and He tells me, is it risk?

Written by Lee Johndrow

Lee is the Senior Leader of Abundant Grace Fellowship Church in Keene, NH

He is the father of five wonderful children. Married for over 26 years to his wife Tina. Loving life with family, friends, faith, fun and food!