Fathers Day Week Part 2 – Communicate Well

I am a dad. I want the best for my children and my grandchildren and all the generations to come. And as I come up to Fathers Day next week, it is my heart to write on 5 things that I think are important to dads. As I listen to my grandchildren pray for their “dad” to return to their life, I cry inside. I hurt for them. So, if as a dad, I can stop one child from going through that, then I feel it is all worth it.

I often think about the interaction between a child and a father. My own dad was gruff. He was a “man’s man”. A military man, my father often spoke orders and gave little thought to listening. My family grew up in the generation of “children should be seen and not heard”. It was hard for me because I like to talk, to ask questions and get answers.

My dad had lots of advice for me but he wasn’t much a long the lines of listening to me. Needless to say as I got older it got harder. Add to the fact that I had “lots” of what he did not as a child and our lives were miles apart. Now, I had no Bible upbringing in my life. So, Proverbs 19:27 Cease to hear instruction, my son, and you will stray from the words of knowledge. Well, it was not on my radar screen. If anything I was the opposite. So, while I was becoming a dad, I had to overturn a lot of rocks, so to speak.

Now, good fathers are good communicators. A communicator is one who can convey information or ideas so that the listener can wrap their brain around it. A child is not necessarily going to speak with an adult vocabulary, so a dad who cares is going to have to make himself understood. (Who cares why you are saying it if I do not know what you are saying?)

And how hard is it to remember that “you were a child” too? That it is powerful to be able to listen without being judgmental or condemning. My dad never acted calm about my transgressions. That is one thing I have had to work on…and work on…and work on.

To communicate successfully, you will have to learn to listen. (Come on. Easier said than done.) And to do it without explosion when things are not going right…well, you know what I am suggesting.

Because my dad could go from 0 to 100 MPH in a moment, coming to him or trying to explain had little value. (”You did it wrong! That’s all I care about!) Now if my children think I am going to blow a gasket and condemn them, they are not going to want to resolve the issue. But, when I learned to approach it calmly, things changed. (The more you yell, the less control you really have.) But if you come at it slowly and carefully, they will be more likely to share their feelings and thought process with you.

The practical wisdom found in the book of James 1:19: “Every man must be swift about hearing, slow about speaking, slow about wrath.” The dad who learns this and practices it will not have the “great divide” in his relationship with his children.

Successful communication is a two way street with peace being the vehicle and understanding the goal.

It was not until many years later that my dad and I could have a conversation about difficult issues. But we made it. You can too.