The Order Of Things

Despite what some consider my “mystical” side or that “lack of connection”, I really struggle with various things that do not come together.

Yesterday I was working on the idea that I had an “interview” on Monday at 9:30. They never called. The day began a spiral on the “to do” list check offs. (When I was in school the “INC” at the top of a page meant “incomplete” and to have one of those was the “end of my world”.) I “live” for the checks on my to do list!

So while I accomplished a 3.5 mile walk, picked up my motorcycle and got 85 “pending” emails off my plate, it left me feeling incomplete or empty. I wanted to work on a new site idea/app I have in mind, work on a book and a few other things. Well, that did not happen! (And it is not like I waste time!)

As I went to bed last night, I was fine, but disappointed in my “performance”. So, hey, today is going to be better. Well, the manuscript I am working on would not open, my article is 3 hours late and juggling the rest of the week, does not seem like it is going to happen. Yay!

How weird is that? I know some feel like I have something to learn or figure out. But really I just like getting things done. (Even as I was looking for some research I did some years ago, I realized I had files folders full of notes. Thousands of pages!)

This is from one of my books.

When interruption occurs, the process often moves from point A to Z without many letters in between.
The loss of a known process can create turmoil, frustration and anxiety.

Years ago while taking a psychology class I was one of the two subjects used for an experiment. Each of us was sent outside the room with the instruction to wait until called in. While the two of us were outside the instructor explained to the class the procedure that they would witness.

The first subject was called back in and went through the procedure. A few moments later I was called into the room. I was seated at a table. They put the pieces to a small puzzle in front of me asking me to assemble it. As I moved through the puzzle, she pushed the puzzle and its pieces away, saying “NEXT!” She put 5 or 6 rubber bands in front of me and asked me to connect them. I began the process of connecting the rubber bands and moments later she picked abruptly picked them up yelling “NEXT!” She put half a dozen pencils scattered in various directions and asked me to put the points on one end and the erasers on the other. Out of the corner of my eye I saw the remaining tests. As I aligned the pencils she pushed them away yelling “NEXT!” I jumped up from the table tipping it over and walking out of the room cursing the “process.” I later returned to hear the outcome of the test.

Maybe it is God that keeps the process in my life that I desire from finishing. Perhaps there is a reason that I work through the “frustration”. The thought that I can see something “complete” in my mind but not in my life.

I assure you I am not angry or mad when I go through these things. Patience is a fruit of the Spirit (Galatians 5:22) and I am willing to embrace it. James 1:4 says, “But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing.”
To be perfect or complete patience must be exhibited. Not as a work of the flesh but of a manifestation of the Spirit of God.

I think it is “funny” that to be complete, incompleteness must be worked through.

And yet, when the 11 year old girl (We watch her in the morning to help out her family so they can go to work early.) started skipping shows in a TV series, I found the inconsistency “disconcerting”. My thinking was “how do you go past those?” (I would have given her an “incomplete”!)

I have no rhyme or reason to it. I am sure some of it is simply the way I and others are wired.

It is forcing me to look harder at the upcoming months and what I want to accomplish and where I want to be.

I find it interesting that I can look at a list or a project and establish priority, but the “actual” ordered steps cause me to back away.

Ephesians 4:11-13 tells me that there is a day of perfection. For years I was taught that I would see that in heaven. But I if I believe we can see heaven here on earth as the scriptures indicate, I have to believe it will be perfect here as well.

That lone gives me hope and the ability to endure with patience.

Until then I think it is a motorcycle day!

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