In the middle of the night I awoke from a dream. In the dream a person was wandering around, unable to connect with any one. They would move from one person to another. Sometimes for a moment and sometimes for longer. As I lay in the darkness and thought about it I began to realize something. It had to do with the topic of value. Value of one’s self and value of others.

Only yesterday I spent time with someone trying to explain their “lifestyle” was becoming problematic to their relationships. Not so sure they bought it. Why? Because they were right. It is easier to “move on” than it is to “stay in”.

As I pondered this last night I thought of a couple of principles. The first was that of love and the bandwith for love and individual has. Now someone’s capacity or bandwith can increase or decrease. The greatest increaser of love is God. He can expand your heart and increase your love. Perhaps the greatest decreaser of love is condemnation and abuse. Under those circumstances the depth, quality and ability to love decline. (Perhaps not capacity has been damaged but ability.)

Now I happen to think love is a “choice”. You choose to love someone or somebody. (Is there a feeling? Gosh! I hope so! But there are a lot of unlovable people out there and they need “on purpose” love. Don’t worry. I am not turning into Danny Silk! I believe a lot of what he has to say, but it is not my gift or function to teach it.)

I lay there and thought if we have a given amount of love (subject to increase or decrease)then the issue is not how we distribute but to whom we distribute. Predicated on choice…

While I thought on this, I saw a young couple I know. They had an argument. Instead of “working” on them, one picked up there phone and began to “love” on someone going through a hard time. The other headed out the door to visit a friend.

I saw a person rebuffed in his relationship. He moved on. The progress was slow, but his love went to another.

If I am at all close to right in believing we have a capacity to love and a quantity to love with, then it is important we get more proactive about our “who we love” agenda.

Many years ago I had a young woman who would be going through something and she would sidle up to you and say something. The something was always hurtful, painful and coming from a place of pain. (Usually her other relationships and disappointments.) I began to call her strategy that of bumpercars. Because as soon as she hit you, she was off to the next person.

To love her was difficult. She had come out of a cult. Her life was simply hard. But if she were take the same energy she expended to hurt and loved with what she had(Trusting God for more.)her life would have developed stability rather than instability. Had she loved those close to her she would have been infused with new strength.But instead at one point she began to take her capacity to love and point it to another. The results were not pretty.

When I am going through a “tough time” in my personal life with relationship, the last place I want to be is with others. I do not want to reduce the love for my family or my friends by taking on another to compensate. It is not healthy for me and not healthy for others. Short term fixes do not often have long term solid results.

Conversely, when my relationships are well, my capacity to love others increases.

We are in unusual times. The solidification of our “families” is of utmost importance. Upon strengthening those we can move to the next realm. If I have uncovered one gem in my life, it is that the value of love is important but so is the “distribution” of it. Let us persevere to love those about us, on purpose. And when that place is strengthened, perhaps we move on to the next circle of reach.

In the gym I have begun to work on my core. Only then will the rest of my body be supported and strengthened. I think the church and our family are the same. We are to work on our core. To build strength through love. Not just to jump ship and say “next”. There are too many “nexts” when we need to work on the “here and now”.

I would simply ask you to be challenged. If you are a “next” person or one who takes pain and moves on, to sit and ask God to reveal Himself to you. I am not saying it is easy or will be easy. But one of the fruits of the spirit(Galatians 5:22) is longsuffering. To be more like God we have to be more like God… Meaning if we let Him work in our lives, He will cause us to be more like Him. Not something we can produce, but only something He can.

Allow God to work in your life and develop His fruit in your life.