This morning I awoke thinking of many things. Not to meditate on negatives or “what ifs” but to plumb the depth of my heart for love. Are people getting it? Is it there? Kind of a “how am I doing” exercise.

I lost an old friend yesterday. I received the call late last night from a friend who thought I would want to know. That was one of my thoughts this morning. Thoughts about my children and grandchildren. Thoughts about work.

How good is my love? Paul said that “If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal.” (Am I the only one hearing “Bang A Gong” by T. Rex right now?) Is it catchable, that love of mine? Does it give people peace? Does it provide security and assurance?[tweetthis]If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or…[/tweetthis]

I should not have to tell people I love them for them to know I love them. I understand that telling someone you love them is important, but I for one, dread the “because I love you I am going to tell you the truth” kind of people. I want them to know because they know. I want my eyes to pull them into the depths of His goodness. My words to change their atmospheres.

Yesterday my love was under attack. There are a couple of things in my life I just want over. Fixed. Changed. I am not “doing well” with them. I struggle with the “shadiness” of some people. Their dark sides. Others I could reach out and simply shake them and say “do you know what you are doing” to your wife, kid, family, friends. I “know” I am an overcomer but I was not “feeling” it. I came home drained. Every “noise” hurt my head. I could not focus even on the “good stuff”. The article I wanted to complete never got started. The wedding I was working on never got traction. The manuscript I stared at. And the pain of circumstances gnawed at my thinking.

My body buzzed with something other than love.

I worked not to to fear. For perfect love has not fear because fear carries torment. I worked to enjoy His presence because that is where perfect love is found.

And then as I was just getting ready to “cash in my chips for the night” the phone call about my friend. Wow! My concern instantly was about the caller. About the family and the kids.

Over the weekend as I was in our church fellowship, I felt the Lord say to encourage folks to not strive or compete. That there is plenty of love to go around. There is no depth to His love that can be found. No ability to plumb to the end. So much of what we see in the body “is what about me” when if we could see it a little more as “what about us” I sense so much that we have striven for, competed against and been unable to accept would simply…occur.

In my house as child, love was determined through things. Love suffered at attempted behavior modification from emotionally bankrupt people.(My dad was an orphan. My mom grew up with a “harsh” military family.) They got better as they got older, but love for me was an off again and on again thing. So when I heard “free love” in the 60’s I signed up. It wasn’t God’s love necessarily but perhaps an expression from a generation trying to shake off the chains of stoicism and propriety for a taste of “real love”, of genuine acceptance.

We love Him because He loved us first. All the love I have had to give, I have given because He has shaped it, perfected it, released it through me.

If I have the gift of prophecy, and know all mysteries and all knowledge; and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing.… 1 Corinthians 13:2