One man owes the woman over $40,000 in child support for two young children. Another pays no child support and blows through the monies of parents. Children who never see their dads because their dads make choices not to see them. The injustice!

I don’t know about you but those circumstances set me on edge. They have the potential to make me angry and have from time to time.

Single parents with no one else in their life frequently struggle. I know from personal experience. I look with great pain at various Facebook posts that indicate single parenting is not easy. Whether by choice or circumstance being the “one” in a child’s life is hard.Having been in ministry for over 20 years, coupled with being a dad for over 30 years, I see the pain. The hardest part is walking out the parent part.

My own children from time to time have made dumb choices as have I did in my own youth. The consequences lifelong in some cases.

Christmas and the holiday season make it harder. Split weekends or weeks with children, lack of presents on one side and abundance on the other. (Perhaps just one of the reasons God is so against divorce.) I am the child of parents who divorced. I have been divorced. I “get it.” I spent Christmases in 2-3 places on Christmas Day.

Often times the single parents are devastated with the consequences of choices or circumstances. Lack of presents, trees and joy are but difficult reminders. And if they do get presents or help it is usually at the mercy of well-meaning folks who may not understand the needs of their children. Add guilt from their inability to provide “properly” and perhaps it is little wonder why people “hate” Christmas.

Give them peace!

I have had so many parents go into a funk, hating the holidays because they can not buy the presents they feel they “need” to get. (In previous blogs I assure you that your child just really needs you!) The result is often a last minute panicked race to Walmart leaving them breathless, overwhelmed and upset. (To say nothing of the lack of food or supplies in the following days because now all the money is gone.)

I understand. I do know there are many people who rape the systems, buying more food than they can handle, too many gifts to count and the need to wait until Uncle Sam comes back the following month. Let’s jump pass those. We all know them.

I am talking about the person who is not like that. I know a lot of them. Perhaps they made bad choices or decisions. Ought they be condemned for all of eternity? The scripture tells us in Romans that “there is no condemnation for those in Christ Jesus.” Should they be forever punished, ostracized, even shunned?

I do not think so. My wife and I have spent too many holidays with people who grew because others cared, not discarded.

That brings me to the next part.

Justice or perhaps injustice. Is that not the topic? Someone does not deserve what they receive? Or maybe they are getting “what is coming to them.”

I know people struggle with that. It is a “they did it-they deserve it” thing. Funny Jesus told people they were hard hearted. But many find themselves hard hearted. Years ago I heard this, “lift up the oppressed without destroying the oppressor.” I thought, well, I can do that. What I found was I could “not” just do that. I found the guy panhandling stirred cynicism. The woman using an EBT to buy lobster angered me.

• Mercy is not getting what you deserve.
• Judgment is getting what you deserve.
• Grace is not getting what you deserve (in punishment) AND getting what you don’t deserve-BLESSING.

I find I am spending lots of time with young single parents encouraging them to learn from the past; to not let it shape their future in a negative way and to grow positively and maturely in their present.

We are told mercy triumphs over judgment. (James 2:13) Not just God’s mercy but ours. Understand the realities of “letting them off the hook.” Giving them grace? How much more does that grate on me? Sometimes a lot as I stare in to the tear filled eyes of a mom or dad who cannot give her child a toy or a tree or a hot chocolate. But I have learned to walk through it.

You can usually tell where you are at when you look at the following possibilities of your thinking when someone gets blessed.

• Why them? What about me???? (Does this remind you of the older brother in the prodigal story?)
• Sulk (Jonah?)
• Rejoice! Cheer! Yay for them. I am excited! Did you see that? How cool was that?

You answers there most likely reveal your understanding of the goodness of God and your emotional state in this day. I want to rejoice when good things happen.

I am not an “anything goes” kind of person. I do not advocate for letting people not pay child support (Ask anyone who knows me!) or takes advantage of the system. But I want you to think about whether the circumstance is making you bitter…or better. Are you losing sleep? Peace? Joy? Because that really is the bottom line. I will not let someone’s bad choices and decisions remove my joy.

I used to get angry over injustice. And then I realized how bad I was at various points in my life. I am not suggesting we all gather up and sing Kumbaya with the “villains” but I am suggesting we have a better route. Posting your woes on Facebook are not necessarily going to change them. Make you better or move you up. All it does is give them free rent in your head.

Use the systems the laws have put in place whether it is to collect child support or to get justice. Just do not let your goodness be lost in the wake of emotions.

I want to lift up the oppressed without destroying the oppressor.