Yesterday I wrote about mentoring. Many people wrote me about it. I am glad. I think it is often a piece missing in the walk of the believer. Today I want to deal with character a little. I can tell you a lot of people want to mentor, but currently do not have a grid for it. For one there are often areas of life that need to be worked on. This is important in moving ahead for both parties.

I will tell you that mentoring someone does cause you to get better, but it is not the best place to work out your “immaturity” or hurtful stuff. Many who are being mentored have not experienced the best of lives.

For whatever reason the people who involved themselves in my life were not just talking the talk but walking the walk. Were they working out their own walk with Jesus? Of course they were! But as they shared with me their struggles, they became “bigger” in my eyes as I saw their faith applied.

What happens when that isn’t happening? The beginning is the “hurt people, hurt people” and the endgame is that people are damaged.

Many years ago there was a prophetic voice who came into my life. He zeroed in on me in a luncheon gathering. He began to read my mail, big time. It was like he had been there all the time throughout my life. He gave me oodles of books and tapes and teachings. Invited me to a group of meetings he was doing and began to “showcase” me along with my gifts.

That first night I arrived home and it was like I had had my head underwater. I could not breathe, I could not think. His thought process was to mentor me, but the darkness was too much for me. Over the next few weeks I watched people come under his spell. His discipleship skills were heavy handed and painful to watch. The people that walked with him were damaged, hurt. They were not allowed to think or to oppose his way of doing business.

I will tell you that he was an amazing prophetic voice. He shared things with me that stick with me 20 years later. But as a mentor or a man to walk with me, it was not nor could it have been healthy for me.

That was a time where I was traveling a lot, going places and sharing. The need for someone in my life with my gift mix was large. But, I can tell you that I dodged a bullet with him.

Side note-It is interesting to note the difference between Christianity and the radical side of the Islamic faith when it comes to “discipleship”. When you see what is going on in prisons you wonder “how” with regard to their belief, but it is all about religiosity, control and “one way” relationships. (Top down.) I have watched and been in study on this. I was looking at the thought process of what brings a person to accept Christ. What about other religions? Why is something like Islam sought out? I found this study that said the reason young men are embracing it is the following, “They identified ‘alcohol and drunkenness,’ a “lack of morality and sexual permissiveness’ and “unrestrained consumerism.’” This is the main reason behind its growth in places like the UK. It always comes back to the law, some how some way. Does Christianity speak of these issues? Of course! But at the heart of it is a need to be “lead” even if it is “controlling”… (The strength of sin is empowered by the law or the rules!)

The person or people who walk in your life ought to be role models. Why? Because they have a “tall order” to fill in your life. You are looking towards them for answers. They are not perfect and they are not Jesus, but they do begin to accept certain responsibilities.

Many years ago Tina and I went through a terrible time in our life together. Our life as husband and wife was one of tremendous chaos, pain and hurt. On one hand I had “responsibilities” to others. On the other hand I was in a world of hurt. Thankfully good friends came alongside and kept us and me on the path. After that time many asked “how we made it”. We came to the conclusion that the legacy of goodness and willingness to work things out was more important than walking away from each other. (The divorce rate for a second marriage with stepchildren is over 73%. When both are on their third marriage and have a child hospitalized for a long time the numbers for success dwindle to single digits!) But we had responsibility to God, to our children and those that counted on us.

You want people in your life who are not fair weather friends.

Spiritually this means that people who are mentoring you or discipling you, “lead with their life” as commanded by God. It ought to be visible to you and others that the Holy Spirit is leading them. Their behavior and demeanor ought to be evident to you as they mentor you. (1 Cor. 11:1) To see my friends live out their beliefs with friends and family is important.

Over the years I have uncovered some amazing gifts in the body of Christ. It took me a few years to realize they were not walking the walk. I saw them in meetings and restaurants, but I rarely saw them with family. How a person interacts with their spouse or their kids is important. It is the essence of Christianity, the Father and “heaven here on earth”. If it is not working in your home, in your family, please do not export it!

Like many I have watched the dissolution of marriages, families and ministries. One of the men who was influential in my life one day just walked into his church, handed over the keys, got in his car, leaving his wife and family behind, to set up home with the wife of another. He never looked back and I never saw him again. How painful it was to me and so many others.

The other day I received a communication from someone lauding the “Christian walk” of another. If they only knew. This person has a continuing sad existence with family and spouse. A track record of disaster. I understand “believing the best” but until you walk with them, hear them out, reserve your evaluations. Be willing to ask the hard questions.

I can look at the longevity of their marriages, the involvement of children and family in their lives and know “this works”.

I have made a lot of mistakes on both sides of the coin. I get it. It is easy to “walk” with someone you do not know. One of my young friends said this. “Sometimes the next great revelation you’re looking for to help you move forward isn’t from someone speaking at a conference – it’s in the relationships you have within your church body.

I experienced the home lives of many of the men and women that walked with me. I had meals, spent days and nights in their homes. I knew the “color of their money” when it came to life. I am okay if you ask my kids or my wife who I am. Those that I walk with need to know there is hope, there is the application of faith to life.

At 5:30 this morning my grandson woke up and said “Daddy, my hand hurts.” I went over and prayed for him. He fell back asleep. (Me, not so much…) How do they live their life when they are going through the stuff?

Seeing a Godly life lived out is an invaluable benefit. It is important to the “disciple” and really, it is important to the one discipling.

I truly believe it is time for men and women of character to arise. For integrity to be restored to our families, church gatherings and communities. Today, give consideration to the purpose of God in your life. Ask Him what He is asking of you.